Momma Said There’d Be Days Like This

It’s Sunday night, and I’m sitting here feeling lots of things, and not even knowing how to write them down…which is not normal for me. Usually writing flows freely from my fingertips, the contents of my brain spilling on the paper (or computer screen) nearly effortlessly. But sometimes…sometimes my brain gets too cluttered, too full of distractions, self-doubt, and frustrations, and I have a hard time even figuring out how to put into words what I’m feeling.

Tonight, I’m feeling doubt. Insecurity. Exhaustion.

Running a small business is hard. I keep finding myself feeling jealous of people who had easier circumstances when they started their own business. Maybe they were married, so their spouse could support them while they dedicated all their time to the intricasies of small business. Or maybe they waited until later in life to start their business, so they had money saved up to spend up front on what they needed.

But that’s not my life. I am single. I live alone (well, not counting little Lexie). I pay all my own bills, and I work a full-time job. Photography is a part-time passion and a full-time dream…a dream I don’t have the luxury of time or money to pursue as fully as I wish I could.

So I hit points of frustration, where I feel like I’m spinning my wheels, spending every free moment pursuing something that seems so far out of reach. It’s easy to forget why I am chasing this dream when the business-y details get in the way and clutter up my mind.

But then…then something will always make me stop and breathe, slow down and remember why I’m going after this crazy thing.  Beautiful moments like the one tonight make me catch my breath and just smile. The clouds were glowing with the last rays of sun, and I froze the moment in time.

This is why.

This is why I cry, why I wait, why I dream. Because someday, beautiful moments will be my life.

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2 thoughts on “Momma Said There’d Be Days Like This

  1. Mila

    Don’t worry, everyone has these days. Actually, I blogged about similar feelings a few weeks ago. You’re doing great, and I always look at your photos and read your blog. You’re so talented, and I’m sure one of these days things will pick up and you can do exactly what you want to do. Sadly, we all have to struggle more than we hoped when we were younger in order to get what we want, but this is something profitable that you love, and things will get better!

    Reply
  2. Sarah

    Keep your chin up, girlie! 🙂 You have an amazing talent and have the drive and ambition to make your passion into your life’s work. Cherish the beautiful moments on your way — remember, the journey is infinitely more important than the destination (because, really, once you are “officially” a world class wedding photographer, you won’t stop there… your destination will be somewhere else, higher!)

    Reply

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