I’m sitting in my living room (gotta love the ability to schedule a blog to go out the next morning), watching Sex in the City, feeling ponderous. I am making decisions for me, just me now. Not that I couldn’t before, and not that I had any reason not to. But it’s part of the growth, part of the change. I didn’t feel like going to Zumba tonight. It was rainy and miserable outside, and all I wanted to do was get indoors, where my puppy would lick my face and I’d be dry and warm. So instead, I turned on the tv and did my own situps and weights thing. I got a movie out of Redbox yesterday, intending on watching it then but putting it off til tonight, figuring two bucks for a movie ain’t so bad. But I didn’t feel like watching it tonight. I felt like blogging, I felt like editing some photos, I felt like just doing anything and nothing. So, I guess three dollars ain’t so bad for a movie. Hey, it’s still less than renting from Blockbuster, right?
For some reason, the minute I got home, I felt the urge to take a self-portrait. Funny, I turn the camera on other people all the time, but I’m rarely in front of it. But something was pushing me to do it–I felt inspired, I felt uninhibited. So I did. I created a self-portrait. I think someday when I look back on it I will be able to feel the emotions that have been coursing through my body for the last week. This day, the rain, my mood, it’s all one. There will be sun again, but today there is rain, and that is ok.